Just Keep Breathing

Tonight at hills, I had a panic attack.

I get them sometimes. They’re part of who I am– I’m panic attack girl. It can feel embarrassing and frustrating and exhausting. They’re also terrifying. I feel my breath catch and my lungs explode and my throat close. My vision blurs. I begin hyperventilating, shaking, sometimes crying out. I lose control and have to fight to get back to myself, and when I do, I’m exhausted to my bones.

But I’m more than panic attack girl. I’m passionate and energetic girl. I’m sensitive and caring girl. And now, I’m “can run way farther than I could two months ago” girl. I might have had a panic attack at hills tonight, but I also continuously ran all around the top for the first time. On Sunday, I ran 7 minutes straight, multiple times! What! That’s amazing!

I’ve been battling asthma this spring, and sometimes when I run, my breath catches. This makes my brain think I’m beginning to panic, and I have to try to calm myself and run at the same time. I’ve been getting through, but tonight I couldn’t bring myself back. I was walking uphill, and suddenly my breath was hitching and squealing in my throat, then I couldn’t see, then I felt grass on my fingers.

Team Myles is more than just the training; it’s about the people who are doing this with you. Leanne showed me so much kindness and care tonight, as did Jeanette. I’m lucky to be training alongside my wife, who came and brought me back the rest of the way with her sweetness. I’m so grateful for this journey, tonight especially. Just keep breathing.

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