Total. Epic. Mom. Fail.

So today was a “run on your own” day. 11 sets of 2:1s. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. I felt like I couldn’t move. Like my entire body had 100lb weights all over it. I was extremely tired, had a major headache, and my back was KILLING me. I was actually very worried that my myelitis was making a comeback. (Long story short, I was diagnosed with myelitis when I was 3 months pregnant with my son. Was admitted to the neurology unit for 10 days before we had a diagnosis. I’ll probably go more into detail about that later. But I still suffer from some symptoms …one being neuropathic pain in my feet)

My boyfriend doesn’t work until 1030, so I usually use the morning to get my runs in while he is home, so that he can watch the kids. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen today.

Thankfully as the day went on, I started feeling better. But now I had no one to watch the kids. And Christopher (my boyfriend) doesn’t get home until 720, and I usually don’t have the energy to do my running at night, after spending all day with the kid….they exhaust me both mentally and physically sometimes. So now, right on que. My anxiety begins to set in. How am I going to get this training in!? I’ll have to do it tonight. But I can never manage to get myself to get off the couch once I get the kids to bed. So, I figured I was being smart, and would take the kids with me to the trail in Bayer’s lake. I could push Brandon in the stroller, and Emily could run with me. When she got tired, she could just sit on the front of the stroller. It was a no fail plan right?? Wrong.

I didn’t realize it was insanely windy out. My son HATES the wind. So. He cried the entire thing. Emily did pretty good actually! She was very proud to be training alongside momma for a race. She was determined she was going to win the race. She made it through 4 of the running intervals before she got tired. Of course, my pace was a lot slower than had I done it myself, but I didn’t care about that. I was gettin ‘er done! And allowing my girl to get some physical activity in as well!…… But Brandon was not having it. At all. I felt awful. He was cold. I didn’t have mittens on him (I didn’t think it was as cold out as it was…which.. it was more so the wind…) And he was just so miserable. I felt so bad. So so bad. I was frustrated because I didn’t finish my training run. But at the same time, I was sad and mad at myself for doing this to my son. Total mom fail for me.

After the training. I got Brandon calmed down long enough for a photo!


I was very discouraged that I didn’t get the proper training in. So when Christopher got home, I decided to throw away all of my excuses. I was in an awful mood mentally, and knew I needed this run. So I did it! I got my interval training in. It may have been 830 at night, but I did it!!!! I decided to do my normal route that I usually run. And I was SO amazed with how much more enjoyable the run was, doing it in these intervals!! I even made it up the hill that gets me everytime at the end! In fact, by the time I made it back to my place, I still had 2 more run and walk intervals left to do. So I went past the apartment building and up to the lights and back again. And I ended up going further than I do on a typical run! I usually do about 3.75km when I run. With the interval training, I got 5.36km in! And I enjoyed it SO much!!! And felt absolutely AMAZING when I got home. And still do. My mood has improved 100% (as it always does when I run!) And I wasn’t as tired and out of breath as I usually am after doing my typical run!

As I sit here at the end of the day. With a clear mind, not in a bad mood. Feeling good. I realize that it didn’t matter how it all played out earlier with the kids. I was there, spending time with them. Even if most of it was breaks, walking, and slower than I had hoped, it was getting done. I was a lot further than I was if I was at home sitting on the couch. And my daughter was having the time of her life. The look on her face. She has always wanted to run with me. I never let her, because I know she will slow me down, get tired too quick. But today taught me a very important lesson. The time doesn’t matter. The pace doesn’t matter. What matters is I spent quality time with the kids (even with Brandon being unhappy… He was still getting some fresh air!) And we managed to get some sort of physical training in!

So yeah. Today started off extremely crappy. Kept getting worse and then eventually turned out to be an alright day! I’m proud of my daughter and I’m proud of myself. I got er done. That’s all that matters!!

2 Responses to “Total. Epic. Mom. Fail.”

  1. SuzanneApril 3, 2019 at 1:30 am #

    You are such an inspiration!!

  2. Dana WApril 23, 2019 at 12:49 pm #

    OMG!! First time reading your story. How can I follow you? You make sense of all of this craziness called Anxiety!! You are real and so inspiring!!

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