Anxiety sucks.

I haven’t wrote in a while. To be honest my life has been crazy the last week or two. I finally had a weekend getaway with my boyfriend and no kids. That was great. But I missed Sundays run. And I felt guilty for missing it, even though I made it up on my own time, I felt like I should have been there. I have been dealing with some bad episodes in my anxiety..and it controlling me. Controlling what I think, how I perceive things, controlling my emotions. It’s been tough.

So apparently the shirts were given out tonight? If anybody failed to notice, I wasn’t at hills tonight. My mental state was not where it should be. But I wouldn’t even know about these shirts, if a certain person had not told me. I feel like I am just not fitting in with my pod. The other girls are clicking and I am feeling like I am just there, along for the ride. Now, I am sure this is not their intentions. This is my anxiety screwing around with my brain. Making me overthink things, create scenarios in my head that are crazy rediculous, feeling ways that I shouldn’t be feeling. Creating problems when there really isn’t any problem at all. But any of you who suffer with anxiety know exactly what I’m talking about when I say how hard it is to not just let it take over.

I am wallowing in my own emotions. I missed hills tonight and the feeling of guilt is overwhelming. It’s funny how I thought that my mental state was not anywhere it should be to go to hills tonight…. But yet, a run is really all I need. Because, running fixes everything. At least for me. I will never stop preaching about how running has saved my life. Literally. And I am truly thankful to be a part of this amazing, motivating, inspirational team.

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