I’m Shelley. I’m new to running. I’m new to blogging. But I am not new to this anxiety I am experiencing! Those who know me, know that I suffer from both anxiety and depression. I am not afraid to tell anyone. I want people to know that it’s ok to be anxious or nervous or depressed. Just make sure you talk openly about it!!
So yeah. I’m super nervous. I’m super anxious. And I’m already doubting myself and we haven’t even started training yet!!! But that is who I am. I worry over the small things. I worry over EVERYTHING. I manage to think the worst in every situation. I find it extremely hard to be proud of myself, or to praise myself. But. That being said. I find it necessary to give myself a LITTLE credit. I just started running in August. A little back story:
Halloween. October 31st 2017. My 3rd shift back to work after being on maternity leave with my son. I was on my way to work, and was caught in some traffic along Kearney Lake exit. A big line up of cars, at a complete dead stop. I remember looking in my mirror and saw the car coming at me. 90km an hour. The very first thing that goes through my mind- thank goodness my kids were not in the car. Then, the pain started. I was rear ended a few years before and suffered some injuries to my shoulder. I was fresh out of therapy (massage,physio,chiro) just about 1 year before and now all of that hardwork, erased. Gone. I ended up right back where I was not too long ago. Lifemark at the Canada Games Centre. (This is where I met the best chiropractor ever. Chuck. More about him later!) Fast forward a bit, after my physiotherapy was finished up, I began seeing a kinesiologist. To help strengthen my shoulder. To say he changed my life, is an understatement. I was suffering from post partem depression from having my baby 7 months ago. With the accident, the pain, and everything else that comes with being in an accident, my depression was at the worst it ever has been. But. I found when I was working out with Alex, my kinesiologist, I was in much much better spirits. To be physically active again was amazing. The endorphins were just pumping through my veins. One session, Alex took me to the track and told me to run 1 lap. I nearly died. Growing up, I avoided running like it was the plague. If you asked me back then if I saw myself ever running for fun in my life? I would have fell over in laughter! It was after that session that I decided I wanted to try and run. Just a little bit. Nothing to crazy but enough to keep me feeling good. I started using a fitness room in the building where I live (which I had not seen the inside of before..and I lived there for over a year!) I started going over on my own time, slowly increasing my speed and distance. I remember I was so proud when I ran for 10 minutes straight. now, the most I’ve done is 39 minutes. Not bad for not knowing a thing about running right?? Since then, I’ve participated in both the Red Nose Run (first race,and first time running outside!) And the International Women’s Day 5K.
I am not sure if anyone is even still reading this!? Anyone who knows me, knows that I take forever to tell a story! HAHA! But I will cut it off here. I will end on a positive note. Yes I am super anxious and nervous about not only being on a team with a bunch of strangers (for now!) But also the fact that in just over 2 months from now, I will be running a 10 km race. However I would not change this opportunity for the world. I am excited. I am proud. And I am going to giv’er!!!