I’ve seen a few posts from my fellow ambassadors, all echoing the same sentiment….groan…hills night this past Wednesday was brutal. As the day wore on, my motivation was diminishing slowly. It was a cold, wet, windy, miserable Wednesday and mentally I could not wrap my head around ‘enjoying’ hills night. It amazes me how powerful the negative self talk between my ears has an impact. Having said that – I left work, went home, prepped a quick and easy supper for my family (still grumbling about going to Citadel Hill to run…”are they crazy..?!?”) and proceeded to layer up my gear and jump in my car.
As I’m driving, I decide this ‘isn’t so bad’, it’s drizzly and wet – but nice to keep from overheating (positive self talk).
As I’m driving on the north side of the Commons, it begins to torrentially down pour. I’m heading toward the little roundabout – and visualize myself going ‘around’ the roundabout and doing an about face and heading home. There seems to be a magnet on the front of my vehicle that keeps heading in the direction of the Citadel. In the distance, in between windshield wipers, I vaguely see shapes of bodies on the slope and a few huddled at the bottom.
These are my people. They are there. We are there. As the rain and wind whip around us – we endure – together.
I don’t know about you, but historically, when left to my own devices, I’d bail. I would not be out in whipping, howling wind, and rain to run from or toward anything!
We begin – warm up around the top of the fortress, then proceed to the 14 / 30:30. It feels brutal. But I’m doing it. Much to my chagrin and in spite of my not so great mental state, I keep going. Leanne, Cindy, Nicole and Jeanette keep checking in ‘how ya doin?’ – my responses were (in no particular order), “nope”, “it hurts”, “this is stupid” . At one point, I do remember Jeanette running slightly behind me, halfway up – yelling ‘run’ – and I sprinted to the top – letting out some sort of tribal holler as I got to the top. I felt kinda silly – but it felt good. And at that point, 2/3 finished our intervals – I surrendered. Not meaning I gave up – meaning I stopped fighting the process of what was happening. I just went with it. Kept going and finished hills night. In the rain, side winds whipping at my face, soaked and winded.
Very simply. Thank you for picking me. Thank you for continuing to support me, despite my seeming unwillingness at times. As they say….”fake it ’til ya make it!” I think I’m making it.