I have been feeling down this week. I struggled with the 5:1’s on Sunday (in fact, I could only run one – the final – 5 minute interval without stopping) and due to scheduling have still not been able to get to GoodLife FITNESS. Everyone has been posting about how well they are doing, how they are reaching big milestones, falling into a natural routine, so I can’t help but wonder – what is wrong with me? Why is everyone else improving but me? Don’t get me wrong – I’m super happy for my teammates and love reading about their accomplishments. It is motivating! But it is also hard not to compare your own progress (and not in a good way).
One thing I know about myself, is momentum is very important. If I lose momentum, even for a second, I can easily spiral. For example, have one crappy run, feel down, feeling down = low motivation = low energy = much more likely to miss the next run or milestone. Etc, etc. This is what has happened to me with every workout routine in the past – one setback and I give up. Which is ridiculous! I don’t consider myself to be a quitter in other areas of my life. If anything, I’m a pretty resilient person. If I fall down, I just get back up and keep going. Why is that so hard when it comes to my health and fitness? I honestly don’t know the answer.
Perhaps it’s just because I am very hard on myself. High personal expectations can be positive, but they can also be detrimental. If I make a mistake or don’t do something well, I give myself hell for it. It is also tough for me to confide vulnerable feelings to others, so I tend to keep them to myself and stew. Again, ridiculous!
I may not be sure of the why, but I DO know that I want to work against that. I don’t want to suffer in silence. I want to put myself out there more. This is exactly what I wrote about in my application for Team Myles; one of the main reasons I joined the team in the first place. This is part of the Team Myles journey. I have done a lot of reflecting the past couple of days, and talking with various people (my mom, Coach Leanne – thanks so much!) and I am determined to start this week fresh with a renewed attitude.
I (finally) bit the bullet and registered for the 10k race a couple of days ago. I always figured I would do the 10k, but I was procrastinating because it terrifies me. Getting my name on that list renewed my commitment. I will be out of town this weekend, but will still complete the Sunday run (thankfully I will be with two friends who are runners and have enthusiastically agreed to run with me, although I’m much slower than them). I also plan to attend a GoodLife class this week (I’ll be posting on Facebook soon, team, so you’ve been warned hah!) and set a meeting with Amanda, the dietitian at Lifemark (already in-progress). At Leanne’s suggestion, I am going to go back to 3:1’s for a couple of runs to see if I can build my endurance up. I hate taking a step backwards, but I will continue the mantra I have come back to week after week since we started: Just keep showing up.
As long as I do that, I have nothing to feel down about.