…you know the one. We all have it. The one in the back of our minds – the mean, insecure one – that comes out to torment us during moments of weakness.
Case in point: Hot yoga class at Moksha. Me: Hot yoga first-timer in the back corner, surveying the room. All of a sudden that little voice pipes up in my brain and says, “Wow, I’m the fattest person in this class”. See? Mean.
It’s understandable to be insecure and intimidated in a new situation. It’s natural to compare yourself to everyone else around you. We all do it. But let’s be real: Did anyone else in that class really care what I looked like? Did anyone in that class even notice me? Maybe, but unlikely. They were more likely concerned about how they looked and felt.
This is the funny thing about *that* voice and the insecurity: We are all feeling it, but too afraid to say anything because we think we’re the only ones feeling it! Guaranteed, we are not. Maybe some people don’t have a mean inner voice to silence, but I’m inclined to think that isn’t true. I think we all have it but some are just better at ignoring it. Some people are better at hiding their insecurities than others. Not to be cheesy, but can you imagine if we were all just HONEST with each other about our fears and vulnerabilities? Oh, how much less stress there would be in the world!
The bottom line is that one thing has been consistent for me since Day 1 of training: The mental battle is the toughest for me. Every day I have to work at silencing that negative voice in my head, and talking myself into getting up and putting my shoes on. It’s a struggle. Some days the voice is quieter and only pops up briefly, and some days it’s loud and won’t be ignored. I would love it if it would just go away, but it probably never will. All I can do is try my best to silence it, or at least ignore it. I take solace in the fact that it will (hopefully) become quieter over time with practice and consistency, AND that most of my teammates (and everyone else who is trying to better their health) are experiencing the same challenges.