Today’s weight is: 179.7
I’m going to be honest. I suck at this. Even with an entire team of people dedicated to helping me achieve my goals and I still can’t be consistent. I didn’t exercise monday, tuesday or wednesday. We had group yoga today but I skipped it. I had planned on going but because I didn’t run at all this week I figured that was probably more important. So i went for a bad run. It was molasis slow. I’m glad I got the run in, but i blistered my feet and that makes me want to give up. I’ve been having peoblems with my shins and calves, so Paul from Lifemark suggested insoles for me. They are great, when i wear them I don’t feel any of the pain that I was feeling. But now i’m getting blisters. To the point that it stops me from running. I could have ran more today but the blisters forced me to hobble home. So no matter what I do i can’t win. It feels like there is no end to things I have to over come.
Anyway, i’m an emotional human being. I get emotionally derailled a lot. I’m pretty sure i told the whole group that on the first day that team myles met. So here is a secret I would like to share with you all. Periods suck. So does anxiety. The combination of the two can basically put a stop to anything you are trying to accomplish. I highly suggest that you keep an eye on your period symptoms. When my hormones start to drop i get horribly sad about basically everything. And knowing when my period is coming is really helpful. Before i started to pay attention i would get a few terribly emotional days and not understand it. Blame ot on anxiety, and hate that I can’t control it. But knowing that it’s because i’m at a particular spot in my cycle makes all the difference. Sure I still get sad and beat myself up, but I know why i’m doing it. And I feel like i have some of that control again, all i have to do is shelter myself and wait it out.
That might have something to do with my current state but last night my anxiety was really bad. Like tight chest, couldn’t sleep bad. I feel like my life is falling apart (totally normal feeling for me). And i just don’t want to run anymore. I simply don’t know why i’m putting myself through the pain. I think i’m getting to a stage where I don’t want to do this anymore. Which is interesting to me. I’m going to meditate a bit and try and focus on the reasons I started running in the first place. I need to better understand why i am feeling this way and what has changed for me so that i can adjust my goals accordingly.
Team Myles typically runs the 10k together. More and more i think I want to run the 5k. I just have no idea why i am putting myself trough 45+ minutes of torturous pain (perhaps if I can get the blisters sorted i will enjoy the long runs again). I enjoy running 5k. It’s manegable for me, and i can do it in roughly 45 minutes so my pain tollerance isn’t effected. At the pace I am running now i would do a 10k in 1.5 hrs and that sounds like hell to me.
So that’s a choice I am going to have to make soon and I have to make it for me, and not anyone else, including the team.
Today’s weight is: feeling like all the things I have to do are things I don’t want to do, and not getting to do the things I love.
Today’s non scale victory is: i don’t have one. I don’t have
any victories today.