Mixed Feelings

It’s many days after the Blue Nose 10k and I’m just now sitting down for my final post.¬† BlueNose race weekend is amazing. Everything about the weekend is amazing. Do yourself a favour – get involved! Run or walk a race, volunteer (there are soooo many volunteers needed to pull this off) or just come down to cheer everyone on and soak up the atmosphere. It is a weekend filled with joy – you can’t help but be happy to be part of it.

My weekend started Friday night as a volunteer with the rest of Team Myles at the Expo, handing out race kits. It was great to wander through the Expo – so many booths, lots of great giveaways and merchandise and so many happy people (see my theme here). Most of Team Myles stayed a little later and joined in the street party happening on Argyle Street to soak up the energy – I headed home for a good night’s sleep.¬†Saturday morning my son, husband and I ran the Doctors NS Youth Run 2k. For those of you new to my story, I applied to join Team Myles after losing my son during the Red Nose Run before the Santa Claus Parade in November. He took off running and I just could not keep up. So for 25 minutes he was out of my hands! Luckily the HRP found him within minutes of my reporting him missing but he had run so fast that it took me another 15 minutes to get to where he was – after having evaded the HRP Officer for almost 2 blocks before they caught him (my son is 4 years old).

Saturday morning’s run with my family was the culmination of all my hard work. We took off from the start line with my little guy holding my hand so tight and we ran, and ran and ran. We stopped very briefly a few times for a quick drink of water but we kept running and I ran every step with my son until we crossed that finish line. My heart was full and my weekend was complete! Except it wasn’t.

Sunday morning was wet. I had had a restless sleep, was running late the get out of the house and was nervous and anxious all morning. Team Myles had a meeting place at the Delta Barrington (thank you Delta!) to collect our thoughts, get ourselves taped together from our wonderful coaches and physios from Lifemark and get our last minute hugs. Little presents and words of encouragement and congratulations were exchanged, a lot of tears were shed and off we went to the start line. I was bouncing with anticipation and took off from the start line like a bullet. the first 2k was ok. Then we hit the bridge…..and I remembered how much I hate hills and my lungs reminded just how much asthma sucks! It didn’t help that I was on the verge of tears pretty much all weekend and could never really get a good breath all day – but my legs felt sluggish, my lungs hurt, I was hot and wet (at the same time) and just generally not enjoying myself.

I ran about 8k feeling blah….but I ran. And walked. Then ran again. Because I had a goal – and God only knows if I have a goal I would rather die than miss it. So Kristen (one of our amazing mentors and a new friend) talked me through it. She tried to keep me on pace (sorry about that) and reminded me that at that finish line was my little guy waiting to give momma a big hug. So – I did it. It didn’t look pretty and it felt like crap but I crossed the line 3 minutes faster than my best time and 2+ minutes under my goal time. As with everything, our coaches and teammates were at the finish line with hugs, tears and lots of congratulations. We were all herded into the ScotiaBank Centre for post-race refreshments and massages (thank you again Lifemark!) then off to Tempo for brunch – bacon!!

We eventually all went our separate ways planning to see each other very soon (many of us are running together again this weekend) but something had changed. A huge part of what had been the last 10 weeks of my life was over. It really felt like the end of something spectacular and I was bummed. I spent Sunday afternoon soaking and icing (and icing and icing…) and feeling really down. Most of the team felt the same as we spent the rest of the day and most of Monday chatting, sharing photos and videos from the weekend and holding on to every last drop of the Team Myles experience.

So I think I’ve come out of my funk enough to finally write this blog. Yeah the race was hard. I didn’t have fun on Sunday, it didn’t feel good – but I accomplished my goal – I ran a race with my son without having to stop, without having to tell him “I can’t”. And this weekend is far from the end of anything. It’s just the beginning. I start my husband’s training routine next week and we’ve already signed up for several more races over the summer and fall. And my Team Myles family – well that’s what we are – family. So they’re all stuck with me! We’ll see each other often – we’ll train together, race together and just spend time together. Because we just completed something amazing – together. And no one can take that away from me.

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