I haven’t written in a little while…to be honest I have been feeling a little guilty…Lately, I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions that my head is spinning.
I love being a part of Team Myles and was thrilled to be selected. I can’t possibly tell you how grateful I am to be part of this amazing group of women. The love and support I have received from each and every one of them could never be measured and I can honestly say without a doubt I would have not have made it this far without each and every one of them.
I have a crazy busy job ( I always feel guilty when I say I’m busy…because I realize everyone is busy!) I also have a 4 year old and a 18 year old… I have one preparing for university while the other is getting ready for primary (I spaced them out for babysitting purposes;) I love my kids, I love my job. I travel all over NS for my job and most every day am on the road visiting my clients. I usually do 2 day trips to the valley as far as Middleton or Centreville a week and I also cover the South Shore area as well so I cover Yarmouth, Digby etc and do a couple overnight stays.
I remember when I was selected for this I was thrilled and then the schedule came out of just how much of a commitment this was to be… I was petrified. When in the world was I going to find the time between my job, my 2 kids, their sports and extracurricular activities and not to mention my other commitments to be a part of this. I have given it my all…I can truly say I have given 110% to this point but I feel like things are now starting to fall apart. It feels like watching a ball of yarn unravel! When my youngest boy’s Dad (Dan) is in the country (he has an even more demanding job than myself and travels 70% of the time) than he is super helpful and between the two of us we make it work so I can do the runs and the training but when he is away…like now for the next TWO WEEKS…I don’t’ know how it is possible. I mean, yes I could FIND someone to watch my son but at what cost? Picking him up after 9pm when his bedtime is 7:30 and having him thrown off his schedule isn’t fair. Like this weekend for instance…Saturday and Sunday are Team Myles days for me but I also have my little guy who expects to hang out with me and play 1500 hours of glow in the dark mini-put at the putting edge…MOTHER’S GUILT! I know all of you mothers out there know what I’m talking about too!
I lost a part of myself over the past 4 years. I went through some hard times and I am just now starting to take care of myself more and do things for myself but at what cost?
I have honestly been sick since Easter Sunday so there is no way I could have worked out over the last couple days (waiting to have surgery on my sinuses which is painful and driving me nuts) but even if I wasn’t sick…there is no way I could have got to the gym or out for a run. During the day I’m at work (I don’t’ really take a lunch break as I usually drive through it to my next appointment) and in the evenings I have Carson home (if we aren’t at swimming or hockey practice)…so without help it’s next to impossible. My parents live in NB so they aren’t close to help out (although they would in a heartbeat if they were) so that is just the way things are.
We have hills tomorrow night…I don’t’ feel well enough to go but even if I do what do I do? Bring him to the hill and get him to run laps? Yeah, no
Anyway this sounds like one big sob story but it’s how I’m feeling right now. I’m nervous that I am slipping while Dan is away over the next 2 weeks and it’s like 30 days from race day…I have worked so hard to fall back out of shape or to have set backs but it’s a reality at this point I guess.
I’m not feeling well lately or I probably wouldn’t have even written this lol…but there you go…
On a brighter note…I DID meet with Amanda at Lifemark today which was awesome. I think we figured out why I’m having trouble sleeping as well as what some better food choices for me going forward may be. Who knew Almonds were my friend??? I will definitely continue meeting with her regularly and without this experience, I never would have even met her…so I am grateful for that