While running last Sunday (after my anxiety attack but not quite before my crying session) I was going to yell out “Jesus Take The Wheel” to the girls in the pod I was running with as I knew we were all getting tired and the run was becoming increasingly difficult (well for me anyway!)
For those of you that know me… I try to use humor to get through difficult or uncomfortable situations…(for the most part anyway) so when the run was getting tough (and believe me, Leanne worked us to the bone! hehe) I thought about yelling that out and making all of the girls laugh…
However at that moment my thoughts shifted and I began to think about the lyrics to that song (the ones I knew anyway) and all the sudden it became this serious moment for me….which was odd. You see I’m not a religious person and I really never have been. Growing up we didn’t go to church (except for the occasional midnight mass…which was really just a reason for me to get to stay up late) and sometimes Easter Sunday ( Especially the year I drank too much with my friends out the night before and my punishment was to go to Easter Mass bright and Early with a killer hangover and have the priest wave the incense around my face…nice work ma;) but for the most part… not really a religious person.
I have had some things happen to me in the last couple years that have really made me question what I believe in…who I believe in. I have not decided as of yet if I am going to share some of this in my blog and if I am to what extent, but sometimes when unimaginable or shitty things happen to you I think you have to look for something bigger than yourself…something larger than all of this to believe in …especially so you don’t end up in the sequel to “one flew over the cuckoo’s nest!”
Point being…I have found something in running that I haven’t found anywhere else. When I am challenging my body and pushing it to its limits it’s almost a spiritual experience. Now I’m not saying I have chats with the big guy on my runs or anything even remotely close to that however what I do have is an appreciation for my physical body when I am running…I have an appreciation for my mental health and for all that I have had to overcome to get me to where I am at today. When I run it is like therapy for me and it gives me the time (and strength) to think about things that have happened or things in my life that I wouldn’t necessarily allow myself the time to think about.
I used to think (as I was accustomed to believing) that you should just bury things that have happened to you when they are too painful and move forward as there is no use in dwelling on things you can’t change but that is so untrue…so terribly untrue! You HAVE to deal with things that have happened in your life and allow yourself the time to grieve for what you have lost in order to be able to move ahead in this world. Dwelling on things and dealing with things are two completely different THINGS!
If anyone out there is struggling…with anything…I encourage you to honestly give running a shot…Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and I believe much more effective!
You may even lose a couple pounds in the process…win win I would say!
Thanks for listening…if you’re listening!